English - To study or not?

At the beginning of the academic year, at school, we're provided with a highly unwanted sheet of projects that have to be done throughout the year. Our third term English Language project was however very interesting. Now don't get me wrong here. I am CERTAINLY not talking about the content of my project or the topic. But the stupidity in choosing the project topic.

The topic is:

"Should English be a compulsory subject of study? Write for or against."

A subject of great debate... that's not being denied. But god. REALLY. have some common SENSE. The answer is Yes or No. If yes, write five hundred words of irrelevant content. If no, write five hundred words of irrelevant content. But what I'm trying to bring out here is that, English is ALREADY a universal language. And why? Because this topic was discussed in the NINETEENTH CENTURY. It's now the TWENTY FIRST century and our minds are at a standstill continuing to harp on about this same issue being an infinite bug to teenagers around the globe who honestly couldn't care less to go beyond 'yeah' or 'nah'.
I mean, already 90% of popular newspapers are in English; and the same with television sitcoms, movies, notices, signs and blah.
Why on EARTH would they want to torture poor children to DECIDE what they should be tortured with?!
I mean, really, do you SEE ME writing in Portugese here? Do I NOT illustrate a strong point?
Me: Average educated student. SPEAKING ENGLISH. WHY? Because English is a compulsory subject of study. THE END. stop pestering kids. god.
If english was NOT compulsory, a fifty year old woman with graying hair and nothing to do in the day but knit, would NOT have a job teaching english as well as she would not even GIVE us the stupid essay.
THINK a little you mere moronic mortals!
Bah, the Global Board of Education is going DOWN I tell you.

The doings of my lil walkin fluffball

One of the happiest moments of my life that happened to me five months ago was my getting a little puppy.

The four years preceding that involved much begging, pleading, promising to attempt to clean one's cupboard were not the enjoyable periods.

As one can guess, he's fully spotted and as my mother claims, reminds her of her previously owned rabbit. His name is Astro, his full name being Astro Pluto Ace Jetson. We seriously considered adding something pertaining to dust-bins to his name because his prior interests in the morning seems to automatically steer his little spotted paws toward the trash can.

With floppy ears, he loves imitating a dead lizard when he plays with any of his unimaginably irritating-to-a-human-with-the-sensory-organ-of-hearing squeaky toys.

He's very affectionate, friendly and loves running around and jumping on people as if they were a ball of yarn spotted by a cat. Astro gives us plenty of moments to cherish and think of later to experience a good laugh. For example, a crow cawing sitting on the parapet wall of a neighbouring terrace while Astro was playing with a dried mango seed caused the poor little quadruped to gaze up admirably and it was quite amusing to watch his disapproving glance at the mango seed that had dropped out of his mouth.

One of the most enjoyable times you could spend with Astro is when you have a little can of soap water and those stick-like pieces of plastic with loops at the end which emit bubbles when you blow through it.

Astro has spent many hours at his study (In this case under the staircase among the shoerack) pondering about why those bubbles don't wait for him to walk up to them and observe (or snap his jaws around) them.

Like anyone, even a dog has fears. And the most dominant fears of Astro's include the vaccuum cleaner, basketballs, stationary motorbikes and the stone statue of a lion set in the middle of our garden.

A concept Astro strives to grasp is the mechanism of black ants. They are not in his good books plainly for the reason that they do not stand still so he can poke and prod them for as long as he likes. He likes to pick up his prey (Generally the ant or sometimes those annoying insects that hover around lights during the rainy season) bring it inside the house (He prefers shiny polished flooring) set it on his observation table (the drawing room rug) and paw it, lick it, sniff it and growl at it when it tries to escape about two centimeters with its now nearly-amputated legs.

After weeks of training, Astro has finally understood that the command 'come' does not mean dig the garden mud and imprint the white carpet of the living room with muddy paw-prints and the command 'sit' does not imply the necessity to bite one's ankles till Astro is satisfied that his tooth has made a mark visible enough.

Astro's way of showing that he is perplexed at something is tilting his head in any angle that he can and giving the most puzzled look he can muster. He is yet to grasp the point of the activity 'Fetch' and seems to think that bringing the object back is his personal choice. Tug-of-war with a metre of cloth had always been his favourite game to play with me until I one day tied the cloth to a pole for him to tug on but later discovered him looking very unhappy at his tooth that had parted from him as he had gotten very excited and had tried to gain victory over the pole.

On the whole, Astro is one of the sweetest living things I've ever encountered in my life and I don't know how I'd pass the days without his presence. A stuffed-toy-look-alike, a playmate and a mobile entertainment unit, Astro is perfect in my eyes. He's my Little Spotted Trotter.

Quotes...! #2

"This conversation has got to end because you're getting dangerously close to being as smart as I am."- Quote from a tv show :P

From ice age:
Manny: Why is it called the "Gorge of Death"?
Buck: We tried calling it "The Big Smelly Crack" but people kept giggling.

Buck: The name's Buck. Short for Buckminster. Long for Buh.

Friends:
[Joey writes a letter to the adoption agency on behalf of monica and chandler. he uses a thesauras to sound "smart"]:
Monica: What was this sentence originally?
Joey: Oh. They are warm nice people with big hearts
Chandler: And that became.... "They are human prepossessing homosapiens with full-sized aortic pumps....?"

Joey: Hey our fridge is broken, i gotta get a new one. i need 400 dollars.

Chandler: Im not givin ya 400 dollars! i dont live here anymore remember?

Joey: Say we're a divorced couple right, and i get custody of the kid. now if the kid dies, i gotta buy a new kid.

Chandler: uh....o...kay...??

Joey: GIMME $400!!!!!

[Rachel is nervous about leaving Emma alone in the apartment for a few minutes]
Rachel: What if she jumped out the basinet?
Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jumped.
Rachel: Oh my God, I left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?
Rachel: Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there.
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think... listen, listen.
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in.

Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing all this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid.

The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a deathly grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: If that happens, you're going to feel SO bad.

Mike: There was a rat! Dont worry. I think i got him

Phoebe: no no!! That's Bob!!!

Mike: Oh no! Oh thank god. It's only a mouse.

Phoebe: SUSIE?!!

[Joey loses his health insurance]

Joey: Oh my god... before i could like... get hit by a bus... or.. or get caught on fire you know? now i gotta be careful!?!

Chandler: I dont know what to say man... there's never a good time to....uh... stop catching on fire.

[With fake english accent]

Ross: Right, so when Rigby got his results back from the laboratory, he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous was in fact, sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when.... [sees rachel and monica staring] Oh, bloody hell.

[later]

Proffessor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?

Ross: im sorry ive got plans with my sister

Monica: Manica Gellarrrrrrrrr

Ross: will you excuse us for just one moment?

[privately]What are you doing?

Monica: what you can have an accent but i cant?

[to passing students] top o tha mornin to ya laddies!

Ross: stop. stop.

[go back to proffessor and rachel talking]

Rachel: yees, yees, Bhombhay is vary vary naiice thees time of iyear.

---

Random Lemur: I like them!
Mort the Mouse Lemur: I like them, I like them! I liked them first! Before I even met them I liked them! As soon as I met them I liked them right away! You hate them compared to how much I like them!
Julian: Oh shut up, you're so annoying!

(you might have to have seen the movie to get these)

---

Skipper the Penguin: You, quadruped. Sprechen Sie Englisch?
Marty the Zebra: I sprechen.
Skipper the Penguin: What continent is this?
Marty the Zebra: Manhattan.
Skipper the Penguin: Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!

---

Julian: Shh! We're hiding. Be quiet everyone. That includes me. Shh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again...

Julian: Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow.

Shake-the-pear

You are NOT in for what you thought you were in for when you decided to read this post seeing the heading.

Now.

Shakespeare (Yes, that is the proper form of the deformed phrase in my heading) was a very very intelligent fellow. Slightly mad, maybe. But intelligent, nevertheless.

Seshpare (as my english teacher might refer to him by) thought of things that no average literary artist might think of today. For example, a knight who had no dignity making a solemn oath that some mustard had gone bad.

See, it's creative, innovative, DIFFERENT certainly, original and......... err.... slightly retarded. No offense Mr. Shakey.

The play concepts were plotted cleverly, although somewhere along the way Mr. Pear lost it. Lost what, you may ask? Not the will to complete the play, not the idea, not the writing talent. His sanity, oh yes.

His plays that he meant to come under the genre of 'Fantasy'..... did come under that and his concepts were sensible..............NOT.

Now, Mr Shakespeare had writing talent, oh yes. That is certainly not being denied here. Just.... eccentric path of thought and.. ok. cutting to the chase here. HE TALKED THE LANGUAGE OF MENTAL. Thee, thou, tho, thy wth!? Instead of going "Thou hath hurt thy innermost feelings that thy hath wrapped and safekept for eternal length of time, thou art banished from the Kingdom, this very land that we step foot upon at this very instant and henceforth shalt never show thyself in this sacred space that we shall be dwelt in.", why can't he just say "Look dude, whatever. get lost."

See? So simple.

Looks like Sir Literary Genius had a couple of minor setbacks with his writing. they were works slightly resembling nonsense.

I would very much like to point out that this is told from the mind of a minor. BUT, if thou could fetch me an adult who can actually read a whole unabridged play of shakespeares and say that that person actually:

i] survived it

ii] has retained the same mental position that he hath started out with

iii] enjoyed it (provided the clause ii is satisfied)

,

Thou shalt be praised.

Whoops. Looks like Shakespearitis is contagious.

;)

ClassRoom Chronicles #2

So we're all writing our exam right. It's class 9&10 together and we [9] had our chemistry exam that day. which we were completely prepared for but it was a very tough paper.

so there's about twenty minutes left until we have to stop writing and our invigilator is just incapable of sitting down quietly for two seconds.

Mrs. X (targets one pitiful boy sitting in the corner and nearly snapping his pencil into two out of frustration that he did not know the formula of Methyl Alocohol) - what you going to do after the exam?

Anxious boy - i dont know ma'am [turns back to paper]

Mrs. X - not going for a holiday anywhere?

AB -no maam.. for now im just writing my exam [not looking up]

mrs x - what's your paper about? [snatches paper and reads through it]

AB- maam im writing my exam!

mrs. x -mm okay write write. [gives back paper; anxious boy resumes scribbling down answers]

Ab [mutters] - god this woman....

mrs. x -when i was small, chemistry was not a big problem for me. it was only maths.

in that also, i liked arithmetic a lot...... algebra was not a strong point for me.

AB - [smoke escapes from ears enough to boil water for tea]

[this conversation continues one-sidedly for a while]

mrs. x - how much do you have left?

AB - a lot, maam.

mrs x - {begins to walk away to annoy another poor boy who is buried in sheets of chemstry equations} hmmm... write fast. you need lots of concentration for chemistry. difficult subject. Make sure you dont get distracted.

[Pencil snaps into two]